Sunday, February 21, 2021

I Care A Lot - The WOAT

 This is a review I initially posted to Metacritic and you can go find it there as well.

I logged onto my (Metacritic) account that I haven’t used in 10 years to write a review for this movie. Save yourself the frustration and annoyance and do not watch this movie. Pike is doubling down on her Gone Girl role with this in the worst way possible. Everything about this movie is despicable. The title card at the beginning with the chosen and overused font is even painful to see. Combine the cinematography style with the music and you get the movie Drive but instead it’s starring the Nino character and instead of Gosling driving away at the end he just lays to die in the parking lot. The electronic music is cliche, well just the entire package artistically is cliche in the way that Urban Outfitters sells Dr Dre’s The Chronic vinyls in their stores.

Note the dramatic electronic music playing, it's only missing a "copyright netflix with some roman numerals  and an All Rights Reserved" text below. I hope streaming services are giving royalties out for the Cabernet font and 70s exploitation aesthetics that they're trendily using.



Another female led feature utilizing a the giant font and the first person that is being released around the same time.



Elizabeth Holmes couldn’t even watch this movie and sympathize with the characters or plot. Why does her assistant/ girlfriend never look directly at people when talking and why is her hair always in her face?



Is having a black man as the judge being tricked left and right end up as a failed attempt to check a diversity box?

This movie is tagged as an LGBTQ movie on Netflix, would the LGBTQ people really want this sociopath as a representative?

The whole staff at the wellness place is in on the con? There’s not a single person witnessing healthy elderly getting boxed up and sold? Marla wakes up mid car crash perfectly coherent and slides out of the sinking car like she’s the safety crew on Fear Factor? I don’t want to cinema sins this on the small stuff anymore but you’re telling me that the Russian mob, who can 360 no-scope and pack Marla up in bag like a chipotle employee, can’t kill an unconscious person? Try and find 3 Europeans who wouldn’t be able to tell you about the safety features in a brand new bmw with the “German engineering” that would be able make it an obviously terrible car to try and kill someone with. Im annoyed that this meaningless movie has me foaming at the mouth with anger. In Gone Girl, Pike is a sociopath but she’s really only ruining the life of Ben Affleck and a couple other guys she dated before. This takes it to a whole new level where it is so over the top that a sex slave trafficker is less angering than this woman trafficking the elderly. Please do not watch this movie. This is a movie star taking an Oscar bait role at the expense of the happiness of an average movie viewer.


 If a waiter spits in your drink, that's mean. If a waiter puts poison in your drink, that's evil and mean. If a waiter sees that you tipped over 20% and then follows you back to your home, steals your mom and then shoots your dog, that is Marla from I Care A Lot.

If Amy Cooper needs a new job I'm sure she could find one working for Marla Grayson.